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A mothers heart

Today I am a little bummed.

I talked to Angel Girl last night and she was working on a couple school projects and studying for three tests that she will have today. I am very proud of her and how smart she is. Education is very, very important to me. Luckily, it is for her as well. She loves school. She gets mostly A’s and some B’s on her report card. She really is a hard worker and she has a passion to know about things in the world. She gets this from her mother.

I am a teacher at heart. Most mothers are.

Due to my love of school and teaching, I feel a great loss in missing out on all of these very important moments in my daughters life.

I will not be there to help her with her homework, I will not be there for her plays, I will not be there when she comes running through the door after school, I will not be there. I am here in France and even if I call her every single day, I am not there.

I know why I moved to France. I know in the long run it is better. I know in my mind.

But, my heart hates me.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • wendy February 15, 2006, 4:28 pm

    Being apart from my boys is something I may still have to face if my residency application doesn’t get approved…I truly hope it won’t get rejected and I can’t honestly see how they could do it…but still, the fear is there. So I have imagined living apart from the boys and it cuts me up deep down – rips me to shreds. I can sort of identify with how you feel and empathise. It must be very hard. I hope you manage to get everyone to co-operate and get the webcam…it will make a big difference.

  • D February 15, 2006, 4:31 pm

    I can’t really relate, but I am sorry you have to go through that.

    The good thing is that even though you are far apart, your daughter knows that you love her. And that is so important.

  • Alison February 15, 2006, 4:35 pm

    You know this struck a chord with me. C. will be starting 6th grade next year and I won’t be there.

    We are going to be using Skype and the webcams, for sure.

  • Pauline February 15, 2006, 4:37 pm

    Pumpkin Pie – I can only imagine how hard this must be for you ( I read your archives so I know this was how you really want things to be) I can’t think of anything to say make you feel better, because there probably isn’t.

    You obviously adore all you children, but it must be so hard not to be there for all the mundane everyday things, aswell as the special occasions . I saw your daughters blog, she is such a sweety

    Do you have Skype ? They have just introduced a free phone/video thingy. We bought the webcam ( a cheap one around 30 euros) so I can call home and see my Mum and Dad live (they bought a webcam too), all for free. That’s really great. I just love it, and they love it even more as they can see Leon every day.

    If you don’t know about it: Here is the link:


  • misschrisc February 15, 2006, 4:38 pm

    Yes the webcams are wonderful! You can see and talk to each other and it feels so much better to see family once a week. I couldn’t live without mine.

    When I’m with my family in the States and it’s time to go back to France, those very sad last few days, I remind myself that even though time apart from them is long, our time together is intense and wonderful and much more appreciated than if I lived right down the street.

  • Julie February 15, 2006, 4:44 pm

    I can’t imagine. This can’t ever be an easy situation. All you can do is love her as much as you can, from where you can. And this I know you do. You are a good mother.

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