This is Boy Blue as a newborn.
He is now almost four months old. Time has flown like I now understand it does with little ones. When I had my first baby a wise mother told me to take mental pictures of each special moment because before you know it they are not babies any longer they are getting married and having their own babies. And I have taken her advice. I have taken lots of mental pictures as well as real ones. I just wish I could jump into those pictures whenever I wanted to hold each of my babies for the first time, to see them look up into my eyes with all the love and trust of a newborn. My children love me and tell me all the time. But, I had forgotten how a new baby looks at their mother. It is a love so strong because the little guy or girl knows no other. It is a deep love of innocence and need. It is a love that binds mother and child together for a life. It is a love that you cannot explain to an expecting mother or when it happens to you for the first time you are in awe at the power this love has. It takes over your whole life shaping your life into another much richer and precious life.
When I first saw Angel Girl I fell in love. I was in love with every breath and move she made. She was the most beautiful and tiny baby I had ever seen. With each baby after her it was no different. All four of my babies have been the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. I know it is impossible for all of them to be the most beautiful. One must be more beautiful. No. They were and are still the most wonderful and precious children in the world. I am in love with each baby like no other. I still call Angel Girl my baby even if she will be ten in two weeks. She whines, “But, Mama. I am not a baby. I am in the fourth grade!” “Yes, Little Miss Grown Up, You are not really a baby. But, for me you will always be my baby. Even when you are fifty and I am seventy five. You will be my baby.”
The woman who told me to take mental pictures shared another mother secret I will now share with you. Everyone who has children will comment on how sweet a sleeping child looks. It is true. The secret is to wait until your child is deep, deep asleep. So deep that they don’t even stir when you kiss their whole face a million times. Then, take your hand and push the hair back from their forehead to make it look a little like when they were first born and had no hair. And, VOILA! You have your newborn back. I know it is harder to see the newborn the older they get. Even when you do this secret trick. But, I still do it when Angel Girl comes. As I pull back her hair I can still see maybe not a newborn but a three year old version of Angel Girl. And I smile at the memories that come back to me of her running around the house with fat legs and face…of her singing or sitting in my lap with her hair pressed into my face. I can smell her hair and feel the soft strands tickling my face.
Luckily all my children love to cuddle and I am lucky enough to have four children to press my face against.
After you have a baby you are a bit sensitive. If I see a mushy movie with a child or animal. I cannot help, but cry. I try to hold it back. I try to tell myself it is a stupid movie. I try. Then, the tears come hot and angry because I kept them waiting. And I cry a little harder because I am embarrassed to let anyone see me cry at all.
History of why I call my newest baby Boy Blue here. My husbands parents had only girls for grandchildren before Boy Blue came. And several times when my husbands father bought any clothes for my girls the clothes were obviously not girl clothes but boy clothes. This was fine until this last summer he bought Spiderman sandals for the two baby girls and he had a surprise when Sweet Bear showed she was not really a baby any more. She, for the first time, did not want to wear “boy stuff”! Ohhhhh. She is getting too big too fast! Anyway, not long before Boy Blue was born my mother-in-law bought the sweetest light purple sleeper with little tiny flowers all over it. It really was adorable. My husband snapped at his mother asking her why she bought girl clothes for a boy. I could see this hurt her and she left the room. My husband really needs to work on his tackfulness! Well, now you know the whole blue story.