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Courage

to tell you all that I am not perfect.

That I have made mistakes.

That I have put my foot in my mouth so many times that it is…laughable.

That I am not always a good mother.
That I am not always a good wife.
That I am not always a good daughter or sister.
That I am not always a good person.

Courage to face myself and all my imperfections and weaknesses.
Courage to be better and to work harder.

Courage to be honest.

I am me.

From now on I will write on this blog without fear.

I will turn 40 this year.

For some reason this means so much to me.

It means I MUST grow up and I MUST be myself.

At 40, I see no reason to not be me.

Hell, who I am trying to impress?

No one. Exactly.

So, here I go with this big bad blog and my big bad self (hahaha).

I have no idea what I will post every day.  However, I have decided that it is better to post something that is apart of me instead of posting these empty (for me) posts that I have done for months now. I have a voice and I think it is good that I use it here. If I cannot use MY VOICE here then I see no reason to continue blogging.

So, I am going to be courageous. I am going to be honest.

For me.

This is MY blog.  I so need it to be MINE again.

I do have a name.

A real name.

It is Tracy.

I hope you stick around to hear what I have to say. If not, I really wish you the best. :)

It doesn’t matter because when I started this blog it was for me.  When I finish this blog (if I ever do) it will be for me.

I am sharing ME with YOU.

That is blogging in a nutshell.

We search for shapes in clouds all the time since we have an abundance of big fluffy clouds here. My seven year old daughter told me that she saw a farting pig in this cloud. I don’t see the pig but I definitely see the fart. :)

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • sissi February 26, 2010, 4:31 pm

    allelujah!

    I do like your “empty” posts too but I totally get what you’re saying.

  • Susan February 26, 2010, 6:56 pm

    I like the empty posts – the beautiful photos – but I say bravo, bring on the honesty! I am 51 and let me tell you, it just gets better and better.

    Each year that goes by there is more freedom to be yourself. Even though I don’t really know you, Tracy, I do know that no matter who you decide to say here – it’ll be good. Because it’s real.

  • Katie February 27, 2010, 3:01 am

    I like the name Tracy :-)
    You don’t have to apologize for anything. Just do your thing, write your blog and I know it will be great. And I will be back to read it :-)

  • expatraveler February 27, 2010, 3:54 am

    I see an evil face… Great report. I guess I haven’t been in the mood to blog.. But I do enjoy the photos as always!

  • anne February 27, 2010, 7:34 am

    Be yourself Tracy…I will be back to read and look at your wonderful posts. I love your photos of your wonderful surroundings. I think they are beautiful too!

    Nobody is perfect Tracy..if they were, how would they learn, how would they grow. :-)

  • Pumpkin February 27, 2010, 12:02 pm

    Thanks everyone! It is such a feeling of freedom to write under my real name. I think it is important to be honest about who I am. If you don’t know my real name then it isn’t really very honest. :)

    You guys are awesome!

  • flhexe February 27, 2010, 6:19 pm

    I admire becoming yourself on your blog. I am still working at it. I love the pictures, but I also have always enjoyed your blog. Good for you that life is better!

  • Lisa March 1, 2010, 10:51 pm

    I enjoy your posts, “empty” or not. And I love, love, love your photos. Tracy is a lovely name, but I will always think of you as Pumpkin ;-) And perfect is for people that don’t take risks or lack an “interesting” personality =D Our homeschool motto is the quote “Don’t dare to be different, dare to be yourself if that doesn’t make you different then something is wrong.”

  • Pumpkin March 3, 2010, 1:42 pm

    Lisa,
    I love your homeschool motto! I think many of us are afraid to just be ourselves and are always looking for ways to fit a nitch or group. I found myself doing that in blogging and am much happier now that I don’t care if I have a blogging nitch. That is my nitch!!! lol
    I think that we all could take that motto to heart and live our lives by it!!!!

  • Mad William March 4, 2010, 10:05 pm

    Can’t wait to see how things change. As long as you keep posting photos. You take some fantastic shots. It lets me be in Europe while I’m stuck here.

    Welcome to the 40’s

    • Pumpkin March 5, 2010, 10:06 am

      Don’t worry I am a photographer even if I still haven’t learned how to completely operate my “big” camera yet…lol. Photographs are a huge part of myself so they will always be a huge part of this blog and expressing who I am. :)

      Europe is pretty wonderful but it isn’t so bad where you are either. Much better than Ohio where I spent most of my life in the States. lol

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