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Dog Doo for Dumbies

pensez a nos enfants

This is the sign in front of Sweet Bears school. Translation: “Pensez A Nos Enfants” is in english “Think of our children”. “Merci”, written at the bottom is a word that even very uncultured Americans most likely know. It means “thank you”.

I think it is funny that a sign must actually be posted to tell the French not to bring their dogs in the school yard because the dogs may actually do their doggy bussiness on the ground and some unfortunate child will step in some doggy doo. I think signs like this need to be placed at least every half block all over France. I don’t know how many times I have had to tell my girls watch out for the doggy doo. Some times it is just to late. Dog doo stories below:

Two summers ago Sweet Angel stepped in the hugest, mushiest and very fresh looking doggy doo. Because it was so huge I teased my daughter that maybe it was not doggy doo but bum doo. Considering this is a favorite sleeping and hanging out spot for the bums just near Place Kleber and the shear size of the doo. I am really not sure. I know I am evil to tell her my fear.

The rest of the day she wiped her shoe on the sidewalk, various steps and even on the side of buildings all the while asking me if I were just kidding about the bum doo. So, after not being called Poopy Girl for at least four years, she earned her title back!

This is how Angel Girl became Poopy Girl for a time.
The first time I visited Strasbourg with Angel Girl, she was three. As we were walking down a small street near the water she spied what she thought was white chalk. Hmmm. Not chalk! Even if it was a bit chalky. It was very old, white, small dog size dog doo. My three year old daughter was using white dog doo to scribble on the sidewalk. Oh my God!!! Thankfully no French besides my husband saw this. Can you imagine how long and far that story could have went? Relations between Americans and French are strained enough! Don’t want to give them a funny tale of french doggy doo on American hands! Or that American children are so uncultured that they cannot even tell the difference between dog doo and chalk! Yikes! You know what I think, The French plant those dog doo bombs everywhere on PURPOSE!

Anyway she cried for an hour because I refused to hold her dog doo hand. A mothers love stops at dog doo hand. If she were about to fall off a cliff and I HAD to grab the hand to save her life. O.k. But, not to just walk down the street. I finally caved and held her wrist until I could properly disinfect her hand at least five times. You know how we Americans are about germs! Why she would not let me just hold the nice clean hand I will never understand.

A year later Poopy Girl got pooped on by a bird at a zoo in America. Smack! Yellowish white dripping birdy doo running down the poor Poopy Girl’s head. I know it is not nice to laugh hysterically in these moments. It may traumatise your child for life. But, it was impossible. Even today we tease her about being a Poopy Girl. She just tells me…begs me to never tell the Poopy Girl stories to ANYONE. Well, I think the stories are safe here. Besides Poopy girl has not to worry. The family now has Poop Magnet to take over in the fight against French dog doo!

Poopy Girl has handed down her brown poop cape to Petite Clown. Petite Clown falls, steps or slides in doggy poop almost every time I take her to the park. So, naturaly I call her the Poop Magnet. The last time she fell in dog doo I had to carry a crying, fighting, kicking baby all the way home getting the dog doo all over me to! As soon as we got home I carefully stripped all the smelly, disgusting clothes off putting them in the wash right away. Then both Petite Clown, alias Poop Magnet, and I fell into a tub full of bubbling soap for at least an hour before I felt we were clean. Now it is easy to understand why I cannot tolerate the French letting their ridiculous dogs poop everywhere. Just be responsible and pick the shit up! Sorry, I sound so angry. I am!

Last week was a particularly bad week for dog doo. The five minute walk to Sweet Bears school became on obstacle course of doo. I had to navigate the stroller and two walking children in and out of the doo littered sidewalks every single day. Sometimes it was so bad I had to give up the sidewalk all together and walk in the street. I am not kidding.

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