I will be 36 years old in July. You’d think that my mother and I could get along after almost 36 years in this relationship. The problem is not all her or all me. Like in most relationships, it is past disagreements and conflicts that come bubbling up to scald us at the most unexpected of times.
I won’t go into details as to the problems my mother and I have. The details aren’t really important. It is the constant friction between us that is important enough to talk about. I just don’t understand why it seems that mothers and daughters have this friction between them. I have seen it over and over again. Or, am I imagining this and is my family special?
Everyone always said my grandmother prefered boys to girls. I must admit it did seem that way. She had a sharp tongue that could slice all your confidence away in a matter of seconds. Is this mother-daughter problem a generational curse? My definition of a generational curse: This is where you are taught bad relationship skills from your family and then you knownly or unknownly teach these bad skills to your children.
For instance, I am not very trusting. My father always told us not to trust anyone because you never really know anyone. A lesson that stuck with me. It is a problem because I never trust anyone. I hide my feelings inside and tuck them far out of reach so that no one can hurt them. I smile and laugh on the surface while inside my feelings are guarded like Fort Knox. While I am enjoying the company of a friend, inside I am thinking, “Boy, you are nice. I don’t think you’d hurt me. But, I bet if I let down the guarded walls you’ll wait till my back was turned and then stab me deep. When I turned around to ask you what your problem was, you’d do it again. This time right in the heart.” It is easy to see that this problem I have with trust is a HUGE one.
I will catch myself saying or doing things with my children that my parents said or did to me. Things I swore I would never ever in a million years say or do to my children because I know how it hurts and feels. Generational curses suck.
I have great parents and they taught me to be a good person. I don’t want to paint them as bad parents. They weren’t. They made mistakes. We all make mistakes. The thing is we seem to keep making the same mistakes as our parents and then our children may make the same mistakes with their kids.
Going back to the mother-daughter generational curse of my family, maybe many families all over the world. How do I stop it? This is scary for me considering I have three daughters. Not looking forward to a future of friction with three out of my four children. I want to stop this ridiculous cycle of constant friction and misunderstanding between mother and daugher, now!