Comments on: Hi! How are you?!?

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 23:43:48 +0000

Sometimes I’ve really been tempted to tell people off when they ask how I am. They want you to be fine, but if you aren’t you better not say anything about it cause they hate complainers. One of the reasons I like to read your blog is because you share your true self.

By: Pumpkin

Pumpkin — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 17:37:13 +0000

Jube, I think it was the fact that people would say this to him as they sped by him so quickly that he couldn’t even say hello back to them. They didn’t even wait for him to answer at all.

I agree with you about it being a way to speak. I do it myself actually. But. I do wait for an answer from the person before I walk by. I think that is polite. If I don’t have time to wait for someone to respond, I simply say hello. And, I too don’t want to hear if they are having a bad day. The rest of my post was more about my particular situation. I have had people ask me how this problem is going and I can it is only out of politeness. They really don’t want to hear if it is still going badly. However, if I could tell them it was going better they would want to hear about it.

By: Jube

Jube — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 16:21:59 +0000

I am a little bit surprised that your husband thought the way Americans say hello makes no sense. The French do exactly the same.
When someone asks “how are you doing?” or “comment allez vous,” they are not necessarily expecting a true answer. It is just a way to say hello, to establish or maintain a contact with the co-speaker. It is inherent to langage and has nothing to do with being fake. Some linguist (Jakobson) even analyzed this aspect and called it the “phatic function” of discourse. Imagine a conversation (in French, or English) where you meet your future boss at an interview, and the boss asks : “comment allez-vous” and you start talking about your problems for 10 minutes. Maybe honest, but really awkward, isn’t it?
Same with sentences like “T’as fait couper tes cheveux?” which, in most cases, is not a real question (humorist Jean-marie Bigard made a sketch about that actually).

By: Cathy Y.

Cathy Y. — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 05:53:46 +0000

I know what you mean about people accusing those who are talking about their problems of being depressed or complaining or whatever. That’s not usually the case, though. Sometimes we’re just thinking things through. Sometimes we’re looking for suggestions, and a place like a blog is a good place to get them! :-) Most people don’t want sympathy. They want empathy. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

The next time someone says, “Hi, how are you?” and you’re not “fine” or “great,” how about saying, “Oh, I’m making it, how about you?” I’ve heard/said that one before, and it can be the truth. We’re “making it” no matter what our circumstance is, even if it’s a struggle, right? Here in the South, we often turn the question around with “how about you?” which shows you care about how they are doing, too. I take this kind of question as a form of caring and politeness, not as one of “I just want to hear ‘fine’ or ‘great’ so just lie to me.”

By: Alison

Alison — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 03:14:02 +0000

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

I believe that is true, and I also believe that you can make it.