Petite Clown wasn’t funny today.
She was bothering her sister while I was pushing them in a grocery cart. Petite Clown was in the front seat and Sweet Bear was in the basket of the cart. I warned Petite Clown that she needed to stop being silly or I was going to make her walk since it was diffulcult pushing the cart with her jumping and rocking it all over the place.
She didn’t stop and I pulled her out of the seat and placed her on the ground to walk. She was not happy. She began to cry. I told her that she could go back into the seat of the cart when she was quiet. She became quiet and I picked her up. Two seconds later she began to scream as loud as she possibly could and wouldn’t let me get her feet in the holes of the cart so that she could sit down. Finally, I got her seated.
She was screaming as loud as she possibly could and everyone was turned watching us some of them laughing. I was not amused. I pushed the cart with a screaming Petite Clown and for once quiet Sweet Bear right out the front of the store leaving Vilay to pay with Boy Blue.
I pushed them out to the car and buckled them into their carseats. I didn’t get into the car until Petite Clown’s screams had died down a little. It made me angry that she would act like that. I knew that if I got into the car and had to sit there listening to her scream like a wild child I would slap her right across her face just like my mother had me. So, I stood steaming outside and let myself calm down.
Being a parent is not always easy. I love my children. Yet, there are times when it is not easy to hold my temper. So, I try to keep myself in check and do things like standing outside of the car to wait on Vilay instead of sitting with a screaming child and losing my cool.
Kids will do things like that. I don’t think my Petite Clown is a bad child. I think she is intelligent and sweet. She is human and she is learning that there are rules and manners that she must follow and learn. I know it isn’t fun and she hates me when I make her lose her temper like she did today. I know from her viewpoint I am an evil mother. However, I know that it is the best thing I can do for her as a mother. If I don’t teach her manners and limits who will? Plus, she will learn that standing outside or behind a closed door as a fed up parent is better than hitting or hurting your child. I hated getting smacked by my mother. I hated getting whippings. It only made me angry and I would laugh at my parents chanting that it didn’t hurt no matter if it did hurt so bad tears were stinking in my eyes.
Two hours later, Petite Clown and Sweet Bear are running around me as I type playing with their babies. Petite Clown just took her baby doll that coos and says Mama in an adorable baby voice into her own chubby arms. I stopped typing to watch her she looked so sweet and motherly. She didn’t notice my watching her. She held her baby ever so tight with the instict of a mother’s love each time she heard it’s soft coo. She answered her own baby with a tender, “I love you, baby.” warm in her babies ear just like I do her. She loves her baby with all the love of a mother and innocence of a child. Precious.
I know I am not a perfect mother. Today, everyone that heard Petite Clown screaming like a devil child may think I am a terrible parent that can’t control my children. Truth is she has never done it before. She has never been that out of control. It was a little scary even for me. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I am the best mother that I can be and that my children know and feel my love.
I love my children. I adore them. I can’t imagine not having them in my life even when they make me want to bury my head as Petite Clown did today or feel like pulling myself bald.
To my four beautiful children I want to say, “I love you, babies.”