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Searching for the road that needs to be taken

I have been re-examining my beliefs for about a month now. It is like a circle where I often find myself back where I started. Only with more questions and more curiosity to answer those questions.

As a child, I watched everyone and everything. I couldn’t tear myself away from it all. I think it is natural that I was a Social Psychology major with a minor in Applied Ethics in college.  All the other subjects that I had to take I did well in.  Not spectacular.  Well.  Any class that dealt with Psychology, Philosophy, Physiology or (my favorite) Sociology…I excelled in.

My youngest daughter is like me in this way. I have to watch her constantly when we are out because she gets so lost in all that is around her that she forgets to watch where she is going. Once I looked down where I thought she was beside me and she wasn’t. I turned around searching for her. There she was walking in exactly the opposite direction as us intently watching the trees and the birds in the sky.  Observing her world with an intensiveness that I know so well.

I search myself all the time. Wondering why I am not a better person. Why I am lazy.

I only have this one life to do this…The best I can. While I do think I am a good person in my heart I am sure that I can do better.

So, I search. I read. I meditate. I reflect. I judge (more myself than others). I learn. I make mistakes.

I believe.

I grow.

I will never be perfect.  As I advance in years, I understand more and more that is OK.

I continue to watch others.  Challenge others.  Get angry with others.  Love others.  Forgive others (even when they don’t forgive me).

I observe my world with less and less distance.

I live.

Photos below are of the Easter service (not sure the real name for it since I am not Catholic) at Strasbourg Cathedral.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • sev May 8, 2010, 7:06 pm

    i cant keep quite . you are not lazy and you are a wonderful person . got to say . :-) you do far more than a lot of people i know , including me !

  • expatraveler May 9, 2010, 4:08 am

    lazy is not posting on one’s blog forever and not doing anything else… (um – me!) sort of… hehe You certainly are not lazy!!!

  • anne May 9, 2010, 7:12 pm

    You are being very hard on yourself.. you are definitely not lazy.. You are a good and wonderful person.. Remember it!! :-)

  • Pumpkin May 9, 2010, 7:21 pm

    You are all so sweet. I am lazy though…I could do so much better in French if I made an effort. My kids are an excuse but not a very good one anymore. I need to write. I need to learn French. I need to work very hard otherwise I will regret it, I am afraid.

  • Pumpkin May 9, 2010, 7:24 pm

    I do need to learn to refrain from expressing myself too much. I am not talking about here but elsewhere with others that could never understand me. I need to learn that it is a waste of time trying to explain another viewpoint. Sometimes it is better to just be quiet. :)

  • yveline May 10, 2010, 3:31 pm

    Cette phrase de Rainer Maria RILKE vous va si bien:

    “J’aimerais pouvoir sortir de mon coeur et m’en aller sous un ciel immense”

    • Pumpkin May 11, 2010, 9:22 am

      C’est beau et vrai pour moi. :)

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