Comments on: Silent child – Selective Mutism

By: Pumpkin

Pumpkin — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:47:07 +0000

Torun,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I will take your advice to heart and have been trying to not make a big deal out of it. I do think that it will get better and that being bilingual and moving so often has a lot to do with the problem. They need stability and time.

Alison,
Thank you. My kids are anything but quiet around Vilay and I. It is only at school that the girls are so silent. My son is the worst so I am trying to get him in as many social situations as possible.

By: Alison

Alison — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 05:33:30 +0000

Pumpkin, I’m not sure what to say! I’m so glad you may have an answer, both for your daughter and yourself, so many years later.

My kids are so shy, but they loosen up when we (their parents) are not around. I’m not sure what that says, but after reading the FAQ on the Selective Mutism site, I don’t think SM is their problem. Sigh.

My hat is off to you. Just for everything. Chapeau, sérieux.

By: Torun

Torun — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 20:27:43 +0000

Dear Pumpkin!

I’m so impressed with you and the way you can speak openly about the problems you have had. I wouldn’t have guessed that you were even a little shy from the way you blog. I’m sure your kids will be fine. A diagnose is a double-edged sword. On one hand it’s a great tool and starting point for treatment and explanation for uncommon behaviour. On the other hand though, it can be stigmatizing and cause further problems. I don’t know. I’m not a child psychologist (My dad is, by the way, so my hunches may be not so far off after all), but my chief rule for my own mothering is – don’t teach, just model.

I’ve made my mind up to try to avoid showing too much worry about things I can’t control. I sincerely believe for instance, that if you are on a constant diet and show your impressionable daughter how much you hate your body and how hard it is to diet, guess how she will feel about hers in 15 years! Likewise, I think the advice I would dare to give to you, if any, is to try not to worry too much, but talk lots to them and make them feel that they master social situations. Maybe give them extra credit even when you’re not particularly impressed. I did this to my 3-year old, when she was a little smaller and was really behind on the physical stuff. She only started running this summer, and she can still not balance on one leg. Sometimes I feel really silly telling her how great she is doing physically, but I haven’t seen any signs of shame about it yet, so I think it might be working….

Sorry for this long rant, but this topic interests me a lot. I wish you a lot of courage and good luck, and it sounds like things are already working in the right direction.

Lots of love to you and your three wonders!!

By: Pumpkin

Pumpkin — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:11:28 +0000

Susie,
We have thought about moving but now with the kids we are think it is best to stay here. They have moved a lot for such a young age…three countries to be exact…so, I think they need to have some stability as well. I think they will be fine. It is funny because since I posted this my five year old is telling EVERYONE hello when she passes them. I am not so worried now and think that as long as we do all that we can for the kids they will be fine.

By: Susie Vereker

Susie Vereker — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 16:47:11 +0000

My neighbour’s child was very shy and had speech therapy as a young child – she certainly speaks out now she’s grown up. Of course, your children have two languages as well which must add to their shyness. I’m so glad the school is taking care of it. It’s a worry, but it’s a worry they will grow out of. I hope you are able to stay and keep them at their current school.

By: Pumpkin

Pumpkin — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:31:41 +0000

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I am finding out more and more people had it when they were young or have children with it. I think that more children have it than we think but are not diagnosed with it. They just plow along through life doing the best they can in spite of their fear to talk.

I will let eveyone know how the visit goes with the school psychologist. Until then I am anxiously waiting.

It was funny because today my five year old daughter said Bonjour to at least two adults without my prompting her and salut to several children that she knows. She has never ever done that before.

By: sissi

sissi — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:45:39 +0000

Hi Pumpkin,
Yes, you’re lucky to be in Switzerland, in France, the teachers would not have noticed (or cared).
I hope the evaluation goes well, your children are still young, in the end, with the right support, love and care they outgrow or learn to deal with whatever issues they may have. We all have issues, as Sean said, the most important is, as parents, to try and do our best. And I think you do just that.
X0X0X0

By: Sean

Sean — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 07:12:51 +0000

This must be hard for you and the children. I am no expert but being shy myself at school, and my wife, we were very concerned about this issue also, and thankfully so far it seems ok. I am a firm believer that with love and support children and family can achieve anything, and reading your blog it seems that they have this…. reality is that if I cast my mind back I recall many children who were seemingly “slightly different” (sorry for the phrase but I dont know how else to put it), who have been extremely succesful in their lives. In fact often more so than those who fitted into the mould we have identified as “perfect”.

I guess as parents all we want is for our children to be “perfect” and yet they are a product of so many things of which we have no control of and can only do our best. Keep being thankful and keep giving your children your love and support and regardless of what condition they have or dont have, they will be fine. Most of all dont worry about it too much as hard as that may be, dont listen to too many opinions (because there will be many), keep sending them for conselling and it will be resolved, simply because you are doing the best you can. No more can be expected of you and from you. Good luck.

Nice blog by the way, reading it makes me realise that people from so many walks of life are inherently the same. Restores my faith in human kind… keep blogging…

By: Frédé

Frédé — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:51:04 +0000

I read with great interest and concern the french link you give about selective mutism. I also recognize me for the first… 15 school years. I was shy, for sure, and could communicate without difficulty inside my family or with close friends. But could’t at school. And I also did suffer from that. Quite much. In my mid 20s, it turned OK and today (I’m 41 :o)), I have to talk in front of ~ 30 persons, professionaly, without any problem. But how hard the way was, by myself.

I think you’re right to care about this and I’m pretty sure your diagnostic will help to do something for your kids. Nice that school feels concerned, too.

Have a nice evening
Frédérique

By: expatraveler

expatraveler — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:02:48 +0000

Oh pumpkin, I do hope they all will get help. From my own experience, I do think the activities thing will help the most. See how much you can put them in sports also! If they can do tumbling or dance. I wonder if you can experiment with trying to add more people into your environment too, especially for little boys for boy blue?

I think the best thing is that you are right, you are in a great place to get the help! :)