≡ Menu

Silently angry

I feel this silent anger sitting inside me. It is always there.  It will at times escape in a not so silent furry.  Afterwards, I shamefully shove those feelings back down into a dark place where I was taught those feelings belong.

For years, I guarded words inside me that I should have let out. Those words are coming out more and more in ways that I am mostly not proud of.

A need is there.

A need to talk about the anger.  Or, at the very least to write out the feelings that I have let sit deep inside me for too long.  Feelings hidden away so that I can go on lying to myself.

Those feelings lie inside me silently for a week, a month and sometimes even a year until they break out in a rage of emotion I find harder and harder to control.

I have decided to slowly let those feelings out in small healthy doses. Otherwise, I am afraid my life will always be haunted by a silent anger and the pain that goes with it.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Susan December 14, 2010, 9:09 am


    I live in Zurich – and as I read this post today, I had a notion that I’d love to get together sometime if you would like. Just to talk – just to be a listening ear. You have my email, yes? Drop me a line if this is something you would like to do – I could hop on a train and we could meet up. Just an idea.

    By the way, I love your photos.

    God bless,

    • Susan December 14, 2010, 9:10 am

      I should add, this would be after the holidays :-)

  • Pumpkin December 14, 2010, 12:50 pm

    Thank you, Susan. I would love to meet up after the holidays! :)

  • Pumpkin December 14, 2010, 12:53 pm

    I am OK just to add to this post. I just need to be honest with myself and people that are close to me. I have been trying to keep up a smiling face too long and allowed what I know isn’t right to continue just because I didn’t want hard feelings. That is over now. I can’t live a lie with people close to me and be happy.

  • Alison December 14, 2010, 2:32 pm

    Good for you. It’s so unhealthy to keep anger and sadness inside. I should know. :\

  • Lisa December 14, 2010, 2:49 pm

    ((hugs)) I wish I couldn’t relate to this post, but I can. But instead of “exploding”, I find myself detaching from everyone and shutting down my emotions. It isn’t just a matter of “life isn’t always fair”, the fact is for some people life can really suck (in some or many areas of their life).

    I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. And as always your photos are lovely =D

    • Pumpkin December 16, 2010, 10:43 am

      Lisa, I also use detaching as a way of dealing with it all. However, I found myself going overboard when I do show emotion and I think that is because when it all comes out I don’t know how to deal with it in a healthy manner because I never usually let it out.

      It is hard but I have already started to deal with it all. I hope I continue and am able to learn how to control all those emotions as they come out.

      Don’t hold it inside. It is better to let it all out and learn to live your life for you. Otherwise, you won’t be happy.

      Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  • Mad William December 14, 2010, 8:48 pm

    There is a lot to be said for, “blissfully unaware”.

    Either way, I hope you get what you want. But careful what what you wish for. Honesty can be painful and infuriating.

    • Pumpkin December 16, 2010, 10:45 am

      I know what you mean about being careful with the honesty. My blowups of emotion and honesty have already done damage and that is some of what I am not proud of. I am trying to learn how to be honest in a way that is fair to myself and others without making me feel like I have to lie about what I think or feel. Not easy.

  • Mad William December 14, 2010, 8:48 pm

    Love the close up of the pine needles. Awesome shot!

  • expatraveler December 15, 2010, 4:23 am

    I’m sensing you need some girl time to chat and get things out. It always helps and I’m sure sometimes it’s hard if you don’t have that… Hope you are feeling better about getting things out soon! Love your pics, they make me smile! :)

  • Katie December 16, 2010, 12:23 am

    I wish there was something I could say that will make you feel a little bit better… It doesnt matter how old we are, we are always learning new things about ourselves…

Next post:

Previous post:

Blog Widget by LinkWithin