I have found that I HATE my thick American accent.
I hate being l’américaine .
I hate that I don’t speak French without mistakes.
I hate that I don’t understand all the jokes.
I hate that some others talk about America as if I still know what is going on there.
I DON’T.
My life is here now.
And…
I am happy that it is in spite of the fact that I will always struggle with this language.
I will always be different.
I will most likely still be l’américaine even when I am (finally) Swiss.
And, I am OK with that.
I can’t leave this country because if I did my heart would shatter into a million pieces.
Honestly.
I am home.
Even if I am tired.
I am tired in a good way.
{ 11 comments }
If you hate your accent and your mistakes why don’t you work on them? It doesn’t sound like you are…
I will always have an accent (as I am sure you do). I will always make mistakes (as you most likely do). French is not my first language. This post was more about that and my frustration with that more than anything else. My French is good. It isn’t perfect. I am a perfectionist. :D
Not really sure why you said it doesn’t sound like I am working on that. Do you know me? My French is good. I am proud of that. I don’t justify myself to anyone…Least of all you.
I know exactely what you mean . 35 years ago , when I arrived in France and started working , people referred to me as “la chinoise” (while I am actually vietnamese) , like you , I had troubles understanding french jokes then although I had a solid french education ( j’ai fait toutes mes études secondaires dans un lycée français jusqu’au Bac français au Viêtnam , nous dépendions de l’accadémie de Rennes à l’époque ) Moreover , I wrote way better than some french people back then but It was just that I couldn’t talk currently . I did suffer jokes sometimes from a few co – workers but with retrospect , I think that it had encouraged me to try very hard to improve my french speaking …..and I succeed it . Besides , to be frank, I don’t think they meant to be mean , it’s just that they can’t help laughing when hearing something odd …but the question is : if they were to speak english , would they be able to so much as make a sentence without fail ?
May be you find it hard now but try to see it as a challenge for you to speak french better . Let them laugh now but in a few years , they will congratulate you for having mastered their language . Trust me , I lived through it as well .
Sorry , I certainly express myself better in french but I try to improve my english too….
Nghi
It’s good to hear from you again. I have missed all of your beautiful photographs.
I’m guessing that they don’t get your jokes either. Let them talk, and joke. The real joke is on them for being insecure. That is after all why people talk and joke at others expense.
Home is where your heart is. You’re home. Enjoy it and let the hate go.
And visit us (the web) more often, we miss you.
Don’t worry Pumpkin! With time they will get to know and appreciate you better… With time too they will see you as yourself rather than a stereotype of what they think is “the american”. Your French skills will improve and although you might always have an accent (everyone does), people who know you won’t even hear it!
Courage!
Mad William said it perfectly…
I totally agree.. They probably wouldn’t understand your jokes. I’ve known this also from a Swiss friend who had issues with that (even if I spoke faster).
And I’m glad your heart is there. It’s exciting and you have come a long way! Think of everything you have accomplished and look at the good side of it all.
:) Miss your photos too!
Thanks everyone for your comments. I somehow wrote this without meaning to as if people are making fun of me…They aren’t…that I am aware of. :D It is just that I sometimes wish I could just speak in my own language with people that speak in it too…at work and for a long, long time. It will pass as my French improves. I understand almost everything if it isn’t too fast or slang. So, I am sure it isn’t long.
It is true that I do get fed up with being the American and others thinking it is so I don’t know…Cool. Big. Exciting. To have an American working with them. Or…Those that don’t like America so much and in turn don’t really like me. Most people don’t think much of it after they know me but it is just I get kinda tired of the where is your accent from??? You are American??? WOW. kinda comments. I know I am so silly for that but I wish sometimes I wasn’t American and I was born raised here in Switzerland. I wish I was just like everyone else. Like all immigrants feel at one time or another. :D
You are YOU .. that is why we like you :-) .. American or not .. I don’t particularly like being British .. and wish that I could speak French so much better or even Italian for that matter …. but I don’t , just have to accept it .. and I don’t live in a place that I can learn in and speak it most of the day .. I am not a perfectionist .. which is good in a way I suppose, maybe not .. I try my best and I am sure you do.
” And I’m glad your heart is there. It’s exciting and you have come a long way! Think of everything you have accomplished and look at the good side of it all.” Totally agree with this quote from Expatraveler!
Vive la difference, Pumpkin!
I enjoy being the “French woman” in the little corner of my life! why not?????
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