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Sparkling

During the past couple years when I look in the mirror I am pretty happy with what I see.  Even though we have moved back to the States I have not gained any of the weight back that I had lost in France (about 34 pounds).  Well, that is not exactly true.  I did gain back what I had lost during the two weeks before we moved back to America.  I had dropped a whole size in that two weeks due to stress.  I am sorry to say that I went from a 7/8 back to a 9/10.  But, I really am not worried about it too much. 

I think I look good.  More importantly, I feel good.  I have learned to love myself no matter how much I weigh.  I am happy with myself until I look closer into the mirror.  It’s when I smile at my reflection that the wrinkles take over!

Lately, I have been seeing my wrinkles more than I did before.  I think it has to do with the fact that I am closer to 40 than 30.  I will turn 37 this July.  I am looking for them.  I have replaced my worry over weight with my worry over wrinkles.

It was like I felt the wrinkles weighting down my face.  That was until today when a “girl” about 22 told me I didn’t look old enough to have four children.  We were talking during lunch at work in the breakroom.  I laughed and told her she was my new best friend.  I explained that my oldest daughter was eleven and that I had her when I was 25.  So, that makes me 36.  She told me that I didn’t look at all like I was 36.  She even told me that I looked “damn good” for having had four children! 

I stopped by the restroom before I clocked back in after lunch.  I looked in the mirror and saw a young woman with her life ahead of her.  I saw an attractive woman with green eyes and long, dark hair smile back at me.  I saw past the laugh lines that were framing her eyes. 

I only saw the sparkle that was me.

 

 

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Cathy Y. January 11, 2007, 3:44 am

    It feels good to get a compliment and feel good about yourself!

    Just curious — What day in July is your birthday, Pumpkin? Mine is July 27th.

  • Pumpkin January 11, 2007, 9:20 pm

    My birthday is on July 18th.

    I have to get used to getting older. I feel like I should be somewhere in my life…more adult. And, I am not. I think that this is what is bothering me the most about getting closer to 40.

  • Cathy Y. January 11, 2007, 10:54 pm

    Hey, I will be 43 in July and I still feel like a kid sometimes!

    I had a baby when I was 40 and I’m chasing a toddler around, so how’s that for making a person feel younger! (This is even though my older kids are 14 and almost 21!!!)

  • Pam January 12, 2007, 8:05 am

    I like to think of my wrinkles as Laugh Lines- a sort of reminder that I have happy times and as the lines deepen, life is fuller. I think feeling good is waaaay better than looking good but I also see the irony of how beautiful someone looks when they’re sparkling on the inside!

  • roland January 12, 2007, 1:36 pm

    New nickname: Madame Etincelle!?

  • Pumpkin January 14, 2007, 1:05 am

    Cathy, You are so right about the chasing toddlers and it keeping you young! I feel like I am in my twenties. Thank Goodness. Because my kids are FAST!

    Pam, After a life long fight worrying about how much I weigh…I have come to think that beauty is from the inside. I think my fear of growing older is because my life is so out of control when it should be stable. However, it is certainly not boring! :)

    Roland, I LIKE IT! :p

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