SwissGuy,
I really appreciate your comment. I even thought about emailing you to ask about this since you are Swiss.

I don’t think it is because they dislike me because I have been asked into their homes for playdates. They are always very nice to me.

You are right that it is a cultural misunderstanding and the rules are invisible to me as an outsider.

The mothers are very kind and even if I do say something they take offense to…and, again, I have no idea what I said, they will generally forgive me in a few weeks.

I will take your advice and ask them what I did as soon as I see the wall go up.

I have read alot about Swiss culture online but I am going to find book about socializing in Switzerland. I hope there is one out there.

I think the Swiss mothers are some of the nicest people I have met. Honestly, I have never had people be more kind to me. It is just my constantly making these mistakes in conversation that flubs it all up.

It is the hardest thing about being an expat. If you really want to live in a country you have to understand the people and you have to change the way you think and socialize.

There are many expats that don’t do that and are happy to live in a country ignoring the people of that country and surround themselves with fellow expats. I am not like that. For me it is important to integrate not only for myself but my children.

Although the Swiss are more reserved than other people I think there is still a big mentality gap between small rural villages, especially in the mountains and the rest of the country.

On the other hand, I’m not so sure that you are disliked by those people; I guess it’s just an issue of intercultural misunderstanding.

Concerning these things, somebody once compared Switzerland to Japan. In both countries, many things related to interpersonal behaviour are determined by a complex and seemingly erratic set of unwritten rules which make it very hard for an outsider to learn this code without any explicit help.

So my advice would be this: I’d just speak openly about this “impairment” to you townsfolk and maybe ask them to explain it when you feel like having put your foot in the mouth. You might be surprised that people will actually be eager to help you understanding this…

As closed-up as many Swiss seem, many of them actually like the straightforwardness and joviality of Americans (it’s just the wording that might be a constant source of irritation).

Or maybe you should just learn how to make chocolate (as Juliette Binoche does in the movie)…

I actually may take down the post about my daughter’s teachers because if someone found it I think they could use it to further isolate me or even my daughter.

There are so many times I wish I had started a blog that was not so personal. A blog that shared who I am but not my vents about others.

I guess I could always stop venting here on this blog and start a private blog for that. It is tempting and may be worth it in the end.

They could also understand u and the way u feel in such moments.

Peut être quelqu’un pourrait te tendre la main.

Just an idea…

When I wrote about being around another Franco-American couple I meant living close to one.

Of course, we loved meeting you and Philippe! For, me Philippe and Sarah are French as much as they are American just like my kids. :)

My five year old still asks about your daughter. The kids really liked playing with someone who was like them. Your daughter is the first.

It would be nice if we lived closer. It is interesting to see the kids interact together. :)

Oh, and remember you HAVE been around one Franco-American family, us! :-) Well, I’ll admit it was a very brief visit, and we are not fully Franco-American since Philippe is half American himself and speaks English with an American accent. I guess you could say we’re Franco-American/American (does that make us 2/3 American? LOL). He and Sarah do have French citizenship, though. :-)

Penny,
It is. I do love living in Switzerland but I think all small villages are similiar. I read in a forum when I did a search about this that someone recommended foreigners to stay out of rural Switzerland because it is harder to blend in and integrate.

Sissi,
Since you are French I don’t think you will experience it as much as I do. You should be able to navigate verbally without any problems. My husband doesn’t have the problems I do with fitting in. But, then again even if he did he wouldn’t notice. :)

The Swiss in our village are really big on you speaking French and speaking it well. They do not like it when someone doesn’t speak fluently. I can speak French but I make a lot of grammical mistakes and have trouble with the verb tenses. I can tell they get uncomfortable talking to me. In France, no one ever was uncomfortable by my French level. They just worked harder to communicate with me or spoke to me in English. The Swiss will not speak to me in English even if they can which I like.

You will find the Swiss very friendly but they still are reserved. It is hard to become good friends with someone here. But, I have read that once you are friends with a Swiss you have a great friend for life.

I can see that is true because the mothers are very caring and sweet. It is just that they don’t like conversations to get too personal even if for me as an American I don’t consider it so personal. That is the problem. I don’t know where the line is.

So, I let them lead the way and it works out best. They trust me more because they are comfortable.

I have heard that our village is a little more special than the rest around here. So, I may just be in the wrong village. :)

Unfortunately, we won’t be closer to you. But, we will have to get together once you have settled in. We take at least one train trip a month and would love to meet you guys somewhere. We have never had the chance to be around another Franco-American family.