As I laid my head on my pillow last night, I thought about all the things that I had accomplished that day and all the things that I had not. My day was filled with cleaning, cooking, baking, grilling out, bickering children, laughter, cuddles, international calls, tears, gardening and many other things that are small but take time and are what life is truly made up of.
My aunt passed away on Saturday.
I was close to her.
Instead of it getting easier with each loss, it gets harder because I know that there will be more.
I don’t like being so far when I know I am needed and need to be with my family.
I love living in Switzerland. I don’t want to live anywhere else. But, it can be painful not being able to jump in a car and drive to see the people that I love. I don’t know how to deal with that other than just accept that is how it is.
My aunt knew I loved her (I always will) and I know that she loved me.
Distance doesn’t really matter when it comes to love.
She was buried with my bible that my mother had given me. It is a beautiful pink bible. She told my mother that she wanted to be buried with it. I think she must have always liked this bible which was kept in my mother’s curio cabinet.
Before this past week, I didn’t know how much it had meant to her.
My mother said that she would let her have it even without asking me.
Mom knew that there was no way I wouldn’t honor my aunt’s wishes.
I am happy that my aunt took comfort from this bible. I only wish that I had known she had thought so much of it before so that I could have given it to her long ago.
When my mother told me that my aunt was going to be buried with my bible I was so touched. I still am. Even now, it is hard not to have tears gather in my eyes thinking about it.
Growing as a person, I have come to understand that family isn’t perfect. In spite of this, there is nothing stronger than that bond and all that love. There is nothing more perfect than knowing them and having the chance to love them, laugh with them, cry with them and learn from them.
Even if they are not perfect.
I don’t want them to be.
I love them for who they are.
Life is a whirlwind and we must hold tight to the people that matter most to us.
Tell them every single chance you get how much they mean to you. Because that is all that really matters.
All the rest is clutter.
Don’t let the clutter stop you from enjoying those that matter to you most.