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Tiding up

I am going to clean up my sidebar because it is driving me crazy with all the clutter that has accumilated there over the past few months. I am in the middle of reorganization of my categories and my blogroll is now collapsible making it cleaner. I moved it up to the top so that it will be easy to see and use.

Our apartment packing and cleaning is coming along quickly. I didn’t worry about it taking too long considering we really don’t have alot. I like it that way because we have what we need and more is just clutter. Not unlike housekeeping on a blog :) .

I had my first and only run in with my father-in-law last night. It was due to Petite Clown having a full blown episode of night terror. She was screaming bloody murder for over 20 minutes when he knocked on the door and told me I needed to give her a glass of water because it was hot. “She is thirsty”, he said in a sharp tone. I was already stressed because my mother-in-law has trouble sleeping and gets all aggitated when someone causes her to wake up. I knew they weren’t going to be happy about Petite Clown screaming because when we lived there before Sweet Bear did the same thing. When I went downstairs after Vilay got Boy Blue for me, my father-in-law started again about the water and thirsty thing. I just looked at him and said firmly that it is not that she is thirsty. I said, “I am her mother. Don’t you think that if she screaming her head off and I thought she was thirsty I would get her a glass of water? I have tried everything when she screams like this and nothing will make her stop.” I told him it has been going on for over two years and that we had found out what it was. Afterwards, he told my husband (after I had just told him what it was) that she needed water and she was thirsty. Vilay told him there is nothing we can do that it is night terror. He asked his father if he wanted us to throw her out the window and door so no one would hear her screaming. Of course, my father-in-law said no.

I am going to print out the information from a link that Roland (thank you, again) provided to me. It is in French and hopefully this will help them to understand. My mother-in-law came downstairs and I could tell she wasn’t too happy about it all. We explained it all to her and I even reminded her of Sweet Bear doing it. She had came down once or twice during Sweet Bear’s screaming episodes but she said she didn’t remember it. I don’t know how you can forget something like that. But, it doesn’t matter. After Vilay and I told her all about it she didn’t say anything and just got up and went outside.

My inlaws complain (right in front of me as if I don’t understand French) if I don’t do everything like they think I should for the children. Why don’t they talk to me in French or English instead of to themselves in French with me right there?  Either they don’t realize that I understand as much French as I do or they don’t care.  I think it is rude and it drives me crazy but I will bite my tongue until we are free again.

The other night they were upset that I didn’t give the girls a bath before they went to bed. I was tired and the girls weren’t dirty. I had washed their arms and faces with a wash cloth. However, my inlaws are like my own mother and think you must give a child a bath just before bedtime or the whole world will end. Everything must be done as they think is best or it is just horrible. Kids go to bed right at 8 pm and if they aren’t in bed then it is like I am a terrible mother. I am a pretty laid back mother and person. I know it drives them crazy because they are kinda anal about EVERYTHING.

I do appreciate their help. I understand that it is not easy to have someone live with you any more than it is to live with someone.

I am speaking more in French and have learned some new words. The children are very happy playing outside and getting extra attention. It will just take time for everyone to settle in together again. And, if my inlaws become to ridiculous about the children I will just tell them that I parent differently than they do and that is ok. Everyone parents in their own way.  I’m sure their own parents did things differently than they.  Perhaps, their parents even told them so.  So, maybe they will see that I am a good mother even if they don’t think I am always right.  I think it is best for me to continue doing things as I always have otherwise it is like I am not the same mother.  My children need me to be ME.  I hope that my inlaws can see that.

I know it is because they love my children that they are like that.  I hope I am more laid back when my children have children.

I want to thank all of you again for your best wishes.  I’m sure that I will post at least every other day because we are here almost daily packing and cleaning.  The next step is moving the big stuff and turning everything off.  I hate moving.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Alison June 28, 2006, 2:48 pm

    Ooh, I LIKE the collapsible blogroll! I just might steal that idea.

    I wish I had some words of wisdom for you right now. We lived with my in-laws when my oldest was a baby — for almost 15 months I had to deal with the constant pressure of “how to do things.” But I was a very young first-time mother, unlike you! :)

    Hang in there. After a while, you will find your stride.

  • Pauline June 28, 2006, 6:11 pm

    Don’t worry I never give Leon a bath every night, I’m just too lazy. I’m sure that I took a bath once a week as a child and I’m still alive.

    The thing is that no two people (including the Mums and Dads) agree about eveything in child rearing, it’s just the way it is. The great thing is though that your husband backed you up, it’s not always the case. Many husbands side with dearest Mum and Dad and this can cause a lot of conflict.

    My husband I just say yes, yes, yes to our respective MIL’s and then laugh about it toghether when they are not there, it’s really important to have this complicity in a couple otherwise it can cause a lot on tension. Espeacially as you will now be under their roof for a while.

    You’ve got a husband in a million there you know !

  • Pam June 29, 2006, 11:05 am

    Wow…sounds like you’ve got quite a full plate! As for the in-laws, argh, that is difficult! Sometimes I think people just want to be heard, to be acknowledged, and, sometimes, that’s enough.

    Wishing you all the best : )

  • roland June 29, 2006, 11:44 am

    Sometime people are a little bit “psychorigide”
    Ask our inlaw about the way they use to live during there own young years. I guess that just after the WW2 they don’t have a bath every day
    they had (in the best case ) “une toilette de chat” . Exactly the same you done to your girls! AND THEY SURVIVE!!!
    Try to communicate on the way they raised . Ask “papi” and “mamie” to tell to your children good old stories of how they live and do when they was at school in the 40’s . Listen and may be you will find what kind of childs are steel in 2 “old” people. May be you will see new links apear.
    Every one like to remember thoses old stories and for few moments the “hiérarchie” between generations fade away.
    bon courage

    ps: a good “dico” on the web to translate
    http://www.ultralingua.net

  • Pumpkin June 29, 2006, 11:56 am

    Alison, I love my new blogroll and it is much easier to use.

    Pauline, My husband always sticks with me and I love him for it.

    Pam, I do think that my father-in-law loves when he is appreciated and I need to make sure to tell him how much he is appreciated. He is such a big help. He cooks, cleans and spoils the children even more than their grandmother. But, she works and doesn’t get as much time.

    Roland, Thank you for another great link that i will be using often. I found some books while packing up my husband’s books. They are in French. I think it will be good for my to read in French now to learn more. One of the books contains legends about Alsace. I am very interested in reading it! :) I will have to ask my inlaws to do that. They are both from different countries and I am always interested to know more about the Czech Republic and Laos. The children need to know about their hertitage as well. It is very important to know where they came from. I don’t know alot about my families history (what country we originated from) and it always bothered me.

    Thank you all again for your support. It won’t be easy to live with my inlaws but I am sure I will have many beautiful memories to take with me when we are back on our feet again and find our own place to live.

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