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Where my heart is

Currently listening to the kids at recess (always 10 a.m.). My first grader is there somewhere in the mixture of running and ball bouncing that I see from my window as I type this.

We will move at the end of June into our next home.

Every day I walk by the apartment building we will be moving into just to do a mental pinch.

I gaze over at the balcony that I will cover in flowers. The kitchen window where I will cook and bake for my family. The apartment playground just for residents and dream about watching my own children there. I can’t wait to have a bathroom AND a half bath….Luxury with three young children. It is a beautiful apartment with a good layout and lots of room for our family.

I am so ready to move on.

I want to shine like I once did.
I want to LIVE without all the darkness tucked away in the corners.
I want to leave all of the ugliness from the last three years behind…For the good.

When I move, I will not let the past stay with me. I will keep what I learned about myself and what I learned from others in order to be a better person.

I will hold no grudges.

I will simply live my life in my village without the drama.  I don’t care much for drama.  Yet, the last three years have been like a bad play that never ends.

Here’s to it ending and my enjoying the utter beauty that surrounds my village.

It is beautiful here.

My heart is here with the big sky that swallows everything that I am when I look into it.

Every time I think I must leave here I feel a pain I have never felt before.

I don’t know if I can live away from these mountains.

I really don’t think I can.





Comments on this entry are closed.

  • anne May 12, 2010, 2:12 pm

    I cannot wait for you to move, so that you will be very happy with your family and with yourself.

    ~Are you staying in the same area? Hope not moving too far from the wonderful mountain views . xx

    • Pumpkin May 15, 2010, 2:47 pm

      Anne, We are staying in the same village but moving out of THE “block”. lol

  • Katie May 13, 2010, 12:23 am

    I know you said that you want to leave the past behind you, but I would talk to the current landlord and tell him/her exactly why you are moving. He needs to know about all the problems certain people in that building are causing. But I understand why you would not want to do that, especially if you are moving not too far from your current home.
    Good luck, and yay for a new appartment (with a bathroom and a half bath!)

    • Pumpkin May 15, 2010, 2:49 pm

      Honestly, I think he knows already. ;)

  • expatraveler May 13, 2010, 2:33 am

    I cannot wait for you to move too! I can see why your heart sinks. Mine still does and I don’t think I will ever get over that pain of leaving. I know what you mean when you say stuff like that… :)

    Lovely photos. It’s what I miss so much but at least get to glance at when you post. By the way, P just got a job. We don’t know if it is perm or not but our income has now doubled! We are looking for the future like you and hoping good things are to come.

    • Pumpkin May 15, 2010, 2:51 pm

      You know, I always want to move from here to find work…to find daycare. In the end, I am happy to stay. I need to find a way to live here, work here and make sure my kids are taken care of. Our life here is so much better than anywhere else.

  • N May 14, 2010, 7:48 pm

    I am so happy for you and your family to have found this little corner of the planet that you call “home”. And I am doubly happy that you will be moving into a better place so that you can live completely content. :)

    • Pumpkin May 15, 2010, 2:52 pm

      It is so much nicier and much, much calmer.

  • Imperatrice May 15, 2010, 8:53 am

    So happy for you! I understand why you are staying. Even in winters, with all the snow it’s just wonderful.

    Can’t wait to see your new place. It’s nice to have a balcony, then you can eat outside and hang geraniums!

    • Pumpkin May 15, 2010, 2:53 pm

      I love flowers and am looking forward to putting them out on this new balcony. The current balcony is too small and not really nice for flowers. I hate to admit it but we have never used our balcony here. We don’t like it.

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