I was born in Florida but I haven’t been back since we left when I was a newborn. I have lived in Arizonia, South Carolina, Ohio, and Kentucky. I went to four different high schools in three different states. We finally settled near a small Ohio town and I finished high school in a school surrounded by a cornfield…boy was I happy. Not! I hated it because it was soo small and everyone was so clicky. I have never been in a click. It is just not my style. If you are nice and interesting, I will be your friend. Easy. I had lots of friends with different backgrounds and personalities. That is how I liked it.
I met my first husband (after not seeing him since high school) while going to Miami University in Oxford, Ohio were I graduated with a Bachelors in Science. My major was Social Psychology with a minor in Ethics of Philosophy. I have always been a people watcher. People fascinate me. Why do they do the things they do and where did they come from and where are they going?
I love to daydream. I have a great imagination…too great sometimes. My imagination tends to get away from me. Sometimes, I know things. Yes, as in ESP. I am not crazy. It just happens and it is not scary when it does. When my grandmother died in Florida, I was in France brushing my teeth and all of a sudden I felt…how do I explain this? Like a cord connected to me had snapped and I knew it was my grandmother’s connection to me in this world breaking. I knew she was gone. I also knew she went somewhere else and that she did not leave me completely. Her life connection was broken but not her spirit connection. Not five minutes later as I was about to tell my husband what I had felt, my mother called to tell me that my grandmother had just died five minutes before. Ok…now you all think I am nuts. Well, if you saw the Crazy Mommy video, you know I am nuts.
Another ESP experience was the meeting of my French husband. Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed about a shell laying in the the middle of an ocean floor. In this beautiful shell were stairs going around and around to the very center. In my sleep, I would go to this shell and walk down the stairs until I reached the center. Inside, I would lay in the arms of my true love with his warm kisses on my face. Our love wrapping us together and happiness filling our souls. We become one in this shell deep in my dreams. When I would wake up, I would search half asleep for him. Of course, he was not in the bed beside me and I would feel a sadness fall over me. I wanted to stay in my dream with my true love never waking up.
I had this dream often while pregnate with my Angel Girl and when I woke up I would roll over and dissapointment filled me when I saw her father and not my true love. I know. I felt really bad about it. It was like I was cheating on him with another man. A man that wasn’t real and I could never see his face. I my dream I would try in vain to see the face of my true love but it was always dark.
I will skip the telling of my ex because he is not able to defend his ill deeds here. And, bringing it all up doesn’t make it better for Angel Girl. I wasn’t perfect either. He and I are just completely different people and should never, never have been together. I am happy that we were only because of Angel Girl. She really is the only good thing that came out of that nightmare of a relationship.
Three years after my divorce from my first husband, I met my future French husband in an AOL chatroom after my mother had just told me I may meet my next husband online. I said, “Are you crazy?” But, I did meet my future husband online that very night. Whoever said mothers know everything was right. Funny thing is that I had been having my shell lover dream almost nightly for a few weeks straight. It was maddening.
However, from that night on, after I met and talked to my husband in that AOL chat room, the dream has never returned. I think he is my true love and that I could never see his face because we met online, duh. And, the shell in the middle of the ocean? There is an ocean between American and France. I think the shell is the computer and the stairs were the internet. It has been eight years and the dream has never returned. Strange, because I had that dream since I at least six years old and while pregnate and married to another man. I can remember going to the beach as a teenager and holding a shell to my ear thinking of my true love. Little did I know my dream would come true.
I had an elementary teachers certificate (it is expired) and was working on my masters in teaching when I became pregnate with Sweet Bear. I had to give it up because I was working full-time as an banking center office manager at an extremely busy office. The stress was just too much for me. I will always regret not getting my masters since that was a goal of mine from childhood. I do not regret my daughter. We actually planned Sweet Bear. Silly me just thought I was superwoman and could handle it all. Right. Reality knocked me on my ass.
Four months after Sweet Bears birth, I was pregnate with Petite Clown. It was a hard time for my husband and I. We almost didn’t make it. He really didn’t want me to continue with the pregnacy and I really couldn’t end the life growing inside me. He loves Petite Clown and wouldn’t trade her for the world. He is happy I stuck to my guns on keeping her.
I think moving to France wasn’t so hard on me (besides leaving Angel Girl) because I moved from one city or state to another all my life. My parents were poor and we moved whereever the work was. I am the first to finish college on my mothers side and the first girl to finish college on my fathers side of the family. My parents told me I would go to college since I was a baby. They didn’t want me to have the hard life that they had. In Arizonia my mother had to sell her wedding rings just to buy food for my brother and I. I can remember eating Campbells Bean and Bacon soup for a week because that is all we had. I have walked to school in the middle of winter with holes in my shoes. I had to dig out the snow so it didn’t get packed inside and freeze my feet.
Most of all, I remember the love and sacrifice of my wonderful parents. My father and mother never bought anything for themselves during these hard times. They made sure my brother and I got what we needed or at least what they could give. My parents taught me to be a good person and to not care about material things in life. I have had a hard life, but I have had a beautiful life full of love. I am lucky to have had my parents (including my fathers wife) and my brother and to have met my husband and to have four beautiful children.
Who is Pumpkin Pie? Pumpkin Pie is a lucky woman. Indeed.