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Neverending walls

me walking up a little hill in the Jura

Each day I think will be easier but it isn’t.

My life is such a whirlwind of job searching, kids, a sick cat, a husband and all the daily duties that get in the way of any personal creating or reflection that I had always brought to this blog before.

I have spent the last two days doing laundry that I usually do in one day because one of the washing machines in the apartment laundry room broke. It broke last Monday on my last load of clothes. For no reason it just lost all power and that was that. A week later it was still broke (insert unhappy face here) and I only had one machine to do about twelve loads of laundry. I had to wash all the bed linens as well as a weeks worth of clothes from five people! Thankfully, I had both of the two neighbors that don’t wash often and have Tuesday as their wash day tell me that I could have their hours. So, that gave me the whole day Tuesday on top of my Monday to get it all done. I finished with back to back machines (both Monday and Tuesday) on Tuesday after 2 p.m.

It was no fun.
I am tired.

Tired of living in this apartment building for a gazillion little reasons and more than a few big ones.

I have been depressed because when we first moved here there were jobs to be found but no daycare for the kids. Now our village has built a new daycare but there are no jobs to be found. The companies in the Jura are not hiring. In fact, companies have done the opposite and let a percentage of their workers go due to the crisis.

Sometimes I just feel like throwing in the towel.

No matter how hard I work there is always a wall.
I am so tired of climbing walls.

I simply want to work and live in a nicer apartment. I am sick of lying to myself that it will only be six more months until we can move. It is now two and a half years after I first started telling myself that lie in order to get myself through until the next six months.

I want to be able to buy my kids new winter coats, gloves, boots and whatever else they may need without pinching pennies (so to speak).

Is that so much to ask for?

Don’t get me wrong.  I am still happy and love my life.  I only want to WORK.

I NEED to work for so many reasons both personal and financial that I couldn’t list them all here.

I really, really, really hope that the job market in Switzerland takes a turn for the better at the beginning of 2010 as the financial experts have stated.  Now, that would make 2010 MY YEAR. I am ready to rebuild my life in Switzerland and I so need 2010 to be the year that it all starts.

Even sooner would be better.

I know that I am not alone in this big mess. I know that this crisis has touched so many of you. My own family back in the States has been hit hard. I shouldn’t whine. I have so much to be thankful for.

I have so much more than many others.

I know and appreciate that while at the same time I can’t help but complain.

I want and NEED to WORK.

Sorry for the whinny post. I had to get it out even if it didn’t make me feel better.

Feel free to tell me that I am a big baby in comments. I can take it.
Other whiners are welcome to add their own whinny stories in comments. :)

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • anne October 6, 2009, 10:31 pm

    Ah Pumpkin, I really feel for you. I have never heard of Apartment laundry rooms, that sounds tough when it breaks down..!!

    I get like you and complain, but I think that there are people who have it worse..but that doesn’t help us that the time.

    I am not going to say you are a whiner, I know you are finding it hard, especially on the work front. I need to work for my sanity and a little bit to help with the bills and help towards getting my house decorated and renovated..it will come..I am sure.

    You take care of yourself..take comfort in that you are doing your best, and don’t get too down. Hug for you, anne

  • Katie October 7, 2009, 1:15 am

    Pumpkin, it’s OK to whine and complain! You feel guilty for complaining, but it is a tough situation to be in. Really. Of course you want the best things for you kids and family, so, don’t feel bad for feeling this way. You are a very positive person and you always find the positive in every situation, so every once in a while, it’s perfectly OK to complain.
    Maybe you have to change/ rethink your job search approach. Is your french at a level where you can work and effectively communicate? Maybe you need a job where you will talk to customers using basic French. Also, think of your transportation. Would you be able to travel to get to your job? Can your husband help with the kids if you have to work late? Look at the job openings and think of recession proof jobs (IT, healthcare, etc…) and maybe work towards those jobs. Can you take some classes over there? On line maybe? It might take a while, but the first step is a great beginning towards achieving something you really want.
    I have been stay-at- home mom for 6 years, and going back to the workforce was not easy for me. But it is doable. If you put your mind to it, you can do it. You are a wonderful mommy and you provide a great family support and love to your kids. Thats what they really need. Thats what they will remember from their childhood, not if they wore coats from last year or if they had new coats.
    I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to write a novel, but I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a great job. You would only have to look at your kids faces to see that :-)

  • Susan October 7, 2009, 7:11 am

    Pumpkin, I’m sorry that you are having such a tough time. I hope that you see light at the end of the tunnel soon.

    Having Laundry Room troubles on top of it all is certainly no fun! But on the plus side, at least while you are still a mom who works INSIDE the home, you have time to deal with the frustration.

    Psalm 63:1 comes to mind – it’s perfectly fine to vent and tell it like it is, especially when feeling overwhelmed. Vent to your friends, keep using this blog to share your feelings … and don’t forget you can tell God everything and anything. He can handle it.

  • expatraveler October 8, 2009, 2:44 am

    Pumpkin – I think the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side” needs to be with you when times are hard.

    The other day P met a man who was making roughly what he brings home in a month just in a weeks worth of pay. The man was whining and complaining about how he didn’t make enough money with his paycheck and his big truck… Maybe the grass is greener, but you always will want more than you have.

    I think when we have only “so much”, we always tend to want more, no matter what. I think this way and I’m seeing you think the same. We are lucky to have what we have. You do have healthy kids and a great family who will be there for you. That’s more than some people have!

    Be thankful for what you have now. You do live in one of the most incredible places in the world. Start brainstorming for ideas on jobs. Could you work at Starbucks for instance?

    I do hope things will turn around for you and I do know what it is like to live in a place far too small. We have done it for over a year now and it’s not that fun.

    Keep your chin up and do what makes you happy, smile and feel better NOW. Kids can always give you hugs when you are feeling down. I know I need them right now too.

    Hugs from across the pond! ;-)

  • Mad William November 15, 2009, 8:03 am

    I can feel your pain and wish thing were better there. But I wish they were better here too. It’s amazing how things have changed in just the last few years. I feel like a yoyo with the highs and lows being so drastically different.

    Like us, I know you’re tired of being at the low end of the string. I keep telling my self that it will come back up.
    Just wish it come back sooner rather than later. For all of us.

    Hang in there. We do it for the little ones right? As long as they’re happy and loved, every thing will be alright.

    Best wishes friend.

  • Mad William November 15, 2009, 8:05 am

    I just noticed all of the typos. Sorry. Shouldn’t drink, stay up late and comment on old blog posts.

    Cheers

  • Pumpkin November 15, 2009, 8:12 pm

    Don’t worry about that…I think most of us have done that! I know I have!!! :)

    I, also, hope that it gets better soon for all of us.

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